HOMELESS JOURNEY

I am very slightly concerned about seeing everyone filling many gas cans at the pumps and loading their carts with water...I don't have the money to buy one bottle let alone a cart full.

Then I start thinking about the homeless...not like my family, the ones who are living on the streets, who have no car for shelter!! What do they do and where do they go in the event of a hurricane, a tornado, flooding...my heart is heavy for them.

I had dreams about them during Hurricane Harvey, now I am having dreams and thoughts about them as Irma swirls and pounds in the Atlantic.

I am driven to pray!

During Harvey, I did not see a lot or anything about the rescue of the homeless.

The Governor if Florida covered everything including the homeless, the ones without gas money, etc. I felt secure in Florida whether Irma went to the East, the West or straight up the middle, I felt a comfort.

I am still praying for the homeless since that's what my dreams were about. Praying for shelter for all of us. Praying that everyone knows that the greatest shelter in a storm is knowing, believing and trusting in Jesus!

Always Smilin',
Dianne

BATHROOM PRIVLEGES

Who doesn't love the smell of a newborn baby, the feel of their soft, delicate skin or the look of them as they sleep?

Lil' cherubs.

Looking at these tiny fresh bundles of joy, Mothers all over wonder if they can measure up to the task set before them.

How will I feed this baby? What are cracked nipples? Will I be a good parent? Do I have the right equipment? Is my home safe?

When will I be able to go the bathroom by myself?

No test to pass. No license to obtain. This newborn who possessed my belly for the past nine months is being sent home with me?!!?

I arrive home with this tiny human. I just close the bathroom door and a blood curdling, WWWAAAAAHHHH MMM WWWWAAAHHHH.

What? Daddy is at work. No one else is home. My precious baby must be choking on a chicken bone, or stuck a knife in the electric outlet or is being abducted by aliens.

Pull up the pants and rush out to see my baby is now just sitting content and staring at the ceiling fan.

Children are smart, they have us in check! From the time my kids are born until the are 18, I don't have bathroom privleges. I either go to the bathroom with a herd of children or if I do, a crisis of mammoth proportions occurs!

So this Mamma is playing it smart. I leave the door open. The jury is still out on the "smart" part!

Bathroom time for Moms is not for the faint at heart, like most of the male gender!

Take for instance, Christmas!

The time is festive, parties are abundant and Jingle Bell Rock is playing consistently. The boss has invited employees and their families to a Christmas extravaganza!

I am in need of relief and the baby of my tribe needs to be fed. So the hostess, aka big bosses wife, shows me to the Master Suite and then runs away.

I sit on the toilet and pop out a tit for my baby. Yes, I breastfeed! Yes, ON THE TOILET. I am a Mom and waste no time.

Then I hear the padding of feet and a soft, "Mommy, where are you?" I tell my darling 4 year old to come in. She does and promptly sits at my feet. She lifts her shirt and begins nursing her doll.

Along come the 3 year old and the 6 year old. Bathroomdar is standard equipment in my children.

The 3 year old also finds it necessary to breast feed her dolly, too! Oh, if my husband only knew how lucky his executive bathroom privleges are!!

The 8 and 10 year old soon join the ensemble and start singing about this lame party. The 13 year old comes in and just loudly says, "MOM".

I ask the precious teen to retrieve a book from the diaper bag/purse/medical kit/bag of tricks and to please read, "If You Give A Mouse A Cookie".  The kids all know it by heart.

I also keep a bottle of bubbles on hand to entertain. I sit on the toilet with baby to breast while blowing bubbles - picture perfect.

My 8 year old son needs to relieve himself and I have no free hand to finish up on the toilet. His sisters in unison say, "use the bathtub".

He stands there making an arc that his Dad would be proud of and at the open door appears THE BOSS!

The boss assesses the situation with mouth gaping open and manages a grunt.

My surprised son turns and that perfect golden arc splashes boss mans perfectly shiny black Florsheim shoes.

I really hope this boss man watches, "Shameless", because then he would get it.

I choke out a "hi!" and "Be done in a few minutes." Laughing, I say, "Both the sink and tub are free unless it's number two!!??!!"

White as my baby's bum, this guy turns and trots away. "Coward", I call after him.

The book is finished. I have dethroned. The baby is peacefully asleep. The 2 girls have finished nursing their dolls and shirts are tucked back in place.

My teen is holding hands with the 3 and 4 year old as she leads them through the Master Suite.

The 6, 8, and 10 year old are having a race to the top of the stairs. I just pray they don't slide down the banister.

My husband is waiting for us as we enter back into the party. The boss tries to swiftly pass by and I hold his arm for a sec and say, "bathroom is free now". Mom humor and I just giggle.

Bathroom privleges come to those Mom's who wait!  Oh, and then comes Grandbabies!!!

Diary of a crazy Momma!! The stories never end!

Always Smilin'
Dianne

MY PATH, MY JOURNEY

We are all on various paths in life! My path is not the same as my brothers and sisters in Christ, although it leads to the same place.

Psalm 25:4 - Make me know Your ways, O LORD; Teach me Your paths

Since each of us needs to grow and stretch our faith in different ways, God has set us on different paths. 

Our paths may cross each other's and we may even walk beside each other for a while. Just because you see my path differs, does not mean that you or I are doing things wrong or right! I need to settle my own course with God and follow where HE leads.

I don't know what God has planned for my path. I meet people on my path for a reason - they may be a mentor, a guide for my path.

I may be their guide and I pray that I don't miss my cue from God to be there for that person to be God's compass that points them on the right path. It may be a smile, encouraging words, a bottle of water, an invitation to church, whatever it is, I pray I remain strong in the will of God.

I pray my words don't cause someone to lose their way on their path. I pray that I don't look down on anyone because their path is full of rocks, vines and treacherous climbs while mine looks to be pristine with gorgeous flowers along the edge of my path.

Instead of looking down on someone's journey, maybe I am supposed to plant flowers along their path. Maybe I am supposed to help them clear their path or show them a path around their treacherous climb. Lord, I don't want to miss that opportunity.

Romans 12:3 -
For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.

I do not want to develop that, "holier than thou" attitude. I want sober thinking when I stumble on the path of the homeless, the sick, the mentally ill. I don't want to look down on those less fortunate than myself.

On my journey, I want to be an encouragement to all those I meet on my path in life. I don't want to be sidetracked by what other people say. I keep my focus on God and praise God for what He has placed on my life's path.

THAT SMILE

  We all smile and have many moments that cause us to smile, giggle, laugh or ROTFL. I love the moments that cause our lips to take that upward turn.
     The one smile I am talking about is a smile that sadly, I have not seen in a while. Since this particular smile has been absent in my life, it was a huge blessing to catch a glimpse of it.
     Graduation causes many smiles. I have never caught someone crying with sadness due to being honored with a diploma, the award of a job well done. Tears can flow out of pride or the thoughts of a child growing up and leaving home but not for the accomplishment itself.
     Smiles and laughter were abundant when my son, Chaz, graduated from Welding School.
     His girlfriend, Camryn and I, had our shares of smiles and laughter as we watched the graduation ceremony proceed.
     I could not see Chaz walking in as Pomp and Circumstance played, so I stood on my chair to catch a glimpse of my boy! He smiled as I yelled out his name and threw up my appropriate gang sign for the occasion - a thumbs up!
     Ryan was more sedate and just smiled. Ryan is my rock and really helped raise Chaz. He is very proud of Chaz and loves him very much.
    Brandon loved the picture taking session after the ceremony. He loves his Chazzy.
     We sat a bit impatiently during the speakers as they ramped up for the walk across the stage to receive diplomas. We spent that time frame getting important things done, like making sure my restaurant game was running smoothly and catching up on Facebook.
     Then finally the students made their way to the side of the stage. I captured Chaz's walk on video. I was so proud of him.
     There were others in attendance that were proud of him, too! Ryan was very proud of this young man that he saw grow up from age 9 and on.
     Brandon, his youngest brother, was there ready to hug Chaz and kick him in the shin at the same time. Oh the joy of that brotherly love/hate relationship.
     Camryn, his girlfriend, was there to hug and kiss, repeat. She is so supportive of Chaz and not only does Chaz love her, I do, too!
     Also there to celebrate with Chaz were his Dad, Gaah & Pea. I would love to have seen all of them to say, hi. I tried to seek them out but they were swallowed up in a sea of exuberant people.
     No time to worry about finding them. I was there to celebrate my graduate, Chaz! Pride falls short of my feelings that I had for him.
     I flashed back to raising him and the countless hours of smiles and joy he had given me amidst the tears, worry and sleepless nights. He sure was giving me PRIDE on steroids this night!
     Another proud person was his Dad.
     Camryn and I were busy positioning the graduate in various poses for the perfect pics. Then he had to go for a group shot with his graduating class.
     Camryn and I were stuck in the front with the swarm of people trying to capture their graduate amidst all the class of 2015 members.
     That's when I saw that smile!! My heart stopped and I relished the moment. Years of memories of that smile flashed in my mind's eye.
     Camryn was talking and I slowly drifted back to reality and my heart started pumping.
     I quickly turned away to see if I could see that smile again. All I saw was him walking away, melting into the crowd.
     I was happy and sad.
     He had that smile when the son we were there to celebrate was born. When the Dr announced it was a boy, I saw that smile.
     That smile spoke volumes. He smiled like that when we were married. He smiled like that when the birth of our children happened. He smiled like that when I visited him at Mineral Wells.
     I never wanted to stop sharing those smiles with him.
     I am thrilled he got to see his son graduate from Welding School. I am glad he can still share in moments like that and those like today as he helps our son move into his first apartment.
     If it all fell into place like God had intended and what we vowed to one another then we would share these moments together.
     We would of weathered the storms and triumphs of marriage together.
     As he once promised, he wanted to grow old with me and sit in a rocking chair on the front porch together.
    So, it was a happy and sad day.
     As much as I wanted to see him and talk to him on Chaz's graduation day, I was excited to see " THAT SMILE" and it gave me great satisfaction to know that he was so very happy for our son.
     Divorce sucks but true love lasts forever! I am grateful for the memories! "That Smile" is forever etched in my mind and on my heart.

CHANGE

Change is prominent through out our lives. Whether it's new food, climates, a change of clothes or changing into a fresh pair of our lacy Victoria's Secret panties in case we are in an accident.

Do you remember when you entered Middle School and we finally got to change classrooms for each subject? I loved that change.

Change....could mean, "Hey, buddy can you spare some change?"

There always seems to be a baby nearby that is in need of a change. I mean really!! Take a moment from reading this blog and please change that youngins diaper! Or was that YOU? Either case - change is needed.

Then if you have a teenage daughter, you are well aware of this kind of change..."Get your butt and that inch of fabric attempting to cover it, back in your room and rethink those clothes!

Rethink it until the material grows several yards!!

In fact think Amish girl!"

Returning moments later with a long skirt on, which is nice until you look up and Wow!

You send your precious lil girl back in her room yet again to rein in what seems to be 2 grapefruit fighting to stay in a top meant for 2 grapes! When did she change?

This time think Amish girl not Amish girl gone wild! She has changed now into something appropriate and modest.

A quick check under the skirt and in the backpack for the afore mentioned attire and she is good to go.

You will be relieved that I am not devoting this blog to "THE CHANGE". Don't worry, Its coming!

This particular change has to do with my most recent change. Changing residence to a different State.

Arizona to Texas.

Some of you are thinking, " Dianne changes addresses so much that she is in pencil in my address book." 

The difference is, now I am older and my vagabond spirit has changed in that I desire stability and to be in the same zip code year after year.

God truly orchestrated this change! I even tried to be the maestro but God put me back in my seat under His direction.

Ryan really wanted to move. Dianne really wanted to just stay in Arizona.

We prayed for Gods direction in our lives.

I did fill out job applications in Texas for Ryan. We had discussed that we should not move unless he had a job offer.

I felt confident filling the applications out because I felt there was no way that he would be hired without first going to Texas to interview.

He interviewed over the phone for one job but to finalize a job offer, they wanted him to come to Texas for an in person interview. They would not pay for him to get to Texas for the interview. I knew it!!

I became a bit arrogant. I was confident we would be staying in Arizona. So I filled out another application for him.

We prayed for Gods direction.

God was in control the whole time. Six months ticked by.

Then came a phone call from Texas for Ryan.

Ryan excitedly told me that the golf course he submitted an application to called him. Yeah! Then he told me that they were full. Yeah, Yeah!!

Then Ryan went on to say that they had a sister property that really needed help. He was asked if he would be interested? He said yes.

The next day he had a phone interview with the Superintendent. He was asked to send his resume to him.

Two days later he was hired!!! Yeah!!  Wait, did he say...HIRED??? Take that Yeah back. Over the phone, hired? What?? He was to be in Texas in a week!!!

God was in control...Dianne wasn't. I couldn't out think God. This was quite humbling and such a learning and growing moment for me.

I did not go kicking and screaming! I quietly asked God for forgiveness in attempting to play God with our lives.

So lots of change came. It was painful at times. I didn't want to leave my daughters, son in law, grand babies, friends, church, routine behind!!

I was very concerned about Brandon moving out of the school district. He has different learning abilities. He has an IEP finally in place for him that I fought long and hard for. Would Texas recognize his IEP? Would Brandon flip out with all this change?

Brandon actually had a desire to move. He really wanted to be near his big bro, Chaz.

The bonus was that my son, Chaz, was in Texas!!! I also have my bestest friend, Alli, here!!! Then I also have relatives and friends here from when I lived in Texas before.

We found out that a U-Haul was going to cost $2500 and we had no money to our name. We struggled every month to keep afloat.

We prayed about what to do. We decided to sell everything to get the $$ to make it to Texas. We stored what was left in Tucson and the rest with our friend, David.

We left Arizona on a Monday and Ryan was expected at work on Wednesday! God detoured us and changed our plans.

Gas was costing too much and we had to lighten our load in ElPaso. We left 150 pounds or more of bedding, pillows, towels and clothes (mainly Ryan's and mine) behind at a homeless shelter.

Our next change was a tire change. A strange thumping sound was occurring and Ryan discovered our tire was coming apart in strips.

We tried to find a tire but we were in the middle of a desolate area. We needed to go 150 miles on a spare tire meant to go 50 miles.

At midnight and about 2 miles from the hotel we were headed for, the spare blew out. We praised God that the tire that was coming apart in strips, had not gone flat. Ryan changed out the tires.

In the morning Ryan called his new boss and let him know he wouldn't be there that day. His boss was amazingly understanding.

Went to Discount Tire just a few miles from the hotel. We asked for a new tire.

The guy said we could do that but with an All Wheel Drive car, it is recommended to change all 4 tires at once. The reason being is that the transmission could be messed up if we didn't.

I started crying and looking at my checkbook and counted the cash. We called Ryans parents for help but they couldn't.

I began to doubt that this was really Gods plan for us. I started thinking what a big mistake this was.

We prayed.

The salesman saw our plight and recalculated a lower price for 4 tires. We had enough funds for the tires if we used the $600 I had set aside for paying my arrears child support on my grown children.

I did consider it an emergency fund although I planned on paying my past due arrears that was already 3 months behind. Once again plans CHANGED!

We were back on the road in a couple hours. It was reassuring to hear the hum of new tires on the road.

I started to feel my butt clench tight as I counted what money we had left over as I watched the needle on the gas gauge fall toward "E".

Please God don't make this change so painful. I am too old to handle all this!!!

Then God whispered in my ear, "I will handle this just let me."

Then I thought, but what about our phones? Ryan will need GPS since he is going to unfamiliar territory and can't read! Then what about shelter, God? What about the money for arrears support? What about.....????

Once again I caught myself doubting Gods direction in our lives. He orchestrated this change so why did I think He would quit in the midst of this amazing symphony.

Yes, change can be nerve racking and brings about a tsunami of emotions. When God has directed the change there is no doubt that He is in control of every aspect of the change.

We had an adventure camping! We had a science lesson on fire ants (God did not ever promise painless changes).We cried. We yelled at each other. We had fun together.

Leaky air mattresses. Hugging. Kissing. Reunited with Chaz. Seeing Alli. Reuniting with friends like, Allison.

Best of all, God blessed Ryan with a job!  The job even changed!! He was supposed to be an Irrigation Tech but that fell through due to expectations that Ryan know timer boxes which he didn't.

The Superintendent said not to worry that a mechanic position was open if he wanted that. It was less per hour. Ryan still felt this is where God wanted him so he accepted the position.

We started a Gofundme page since we had no money and no place to stay. God oversaw that also. Friends posted the page on their FB page and $$$ came in.

People who knew us and those who didn't, donated. We deeply appreciate their willingness to help us financially.

Others helped with prayers for us, taking us out to eat and just before we got our own place, Allison and Janis opened their homes to us.

The change we continue to adjust to has been a thrill ride to say the least. Some days we are securely strapped in for the ride and other days we are flying out of our seats headed for certain disaster until fingers grasp us and we feel God holding us tightly in the palm of HIS hand.

Brandon started school this week and he loves it. He has had some melt downs during this change. His IEP is being utilized here and was told by the school psychologist it is very well written.

We meet as a team in a month to see how it is all working out for Brandon.

Just another change in my life that has served to change my relationship with Jesus. Change has helped to point out weaknesses in me that needed strengthening.

All this past month, I have given much thought to one of my Dads favorite songs, "Have thine own way, Lord. Have thine own way. You are the Potter, I am the clay. Mold me and make me after thy will, while I am waiting, yielded and still."

Excited for our future here and what God has planned for us!

We still have some big financial obstacles that are stressing our family. If you feel led to help us financially you can thru our bank account or on Gofundme....
gofundme.com/qbjvsxp4
Prayers always appreciated!!

When change comes your way just remember God is in control. Turn to God for direction and peace in the midst of change.

Always Smilin',

Dianne

Fresh Air and Other Joys of an Open Window

Sleeping with the windows open is great!!

The drawback is the crazy neighborhood rooster who crows at 3am, the speedy paper dude who likes to peel out after a stop at a neighbors then tears off down the street at 4am.

Then an assortment of revelers who speed up and down the street and worse yet are those who live close by who want to discuss the nights events with their partners in crime with a thick tongue and poor use of the English language.

The cherry on top is the partier who indulged much too much and the sounds of regurgitation echo thru this otherwise peaceful neighborhood except for the afore mentioned activities.

I still love to sleep with the windows open while I can before the need of the humming of the air conditioner, so I will invest in another pillow for over my head!

High in the Hospital: When Will Medical Personnel Be Held Accountable?

When referring to Nurses in this blog, it is in reference to any medical personnel, including Doctors.

Nurses have a great responsibility to the people they serve. In fact it can be said that lives can hang in the balance of their care.

Is it more responsible for a nurse to step away from his/her career as a nurse when they are on opiates to manage chronic pain or should nurses just go on doing patient care even if that is not the ethically responsible thing to do?

I recently was informed that 1/2 the nurses in one hospital are on narcotics, performing patient care, even managing a floor. I would not ever want to go to that hospital to receive care!!

What sort of danger are we putting our parents, children, spouses  and friends in when we allow this to happen?

Then if  nurses and Doctors can be on opiates, in Arizona, medical marijuana is ok. So, would you rather have your child's Nurse or Doctor work on your child under the influence of marijuana? It is legal if prescribed by a Doctor, just like Percocet is legal to take when prescribed by a Doctor?

There is a large gap on thoughts concerning this ethical dilemma. How many of your relatives and friends are caught and have lost their lives in that stinking cesspool of a gap?

Even  a person under the care of a Doctor and being prescribed opiates...does not make that person safe and able to perform the duties of a nurse. The person under a doctor's care is still addicted to a mind altering chemical in their body.

I think it is a wise, loving Nurse, Doctor, Radiology tech, patient care tech,  who voluntarily steps back from their nursing and either takes time off and away from nursing to get off the medications or steps entirely away from Nursing or practicing medicine.

Too many nurses are more worried about how much $$$ they will lose and could care less about the true care of the patients. Maybe it's a spouse who encourages them or demands them to stick with nursing, once again due to lust of money but in the end who suffers the ramifications of that greed???

I think medical personnel on opiates, marijuana, any mind altering meds should be fired for not voluntarily stepping away until their system is free and clear of any mind altering substances. Nurses that voluntarily step away should be provided with the means to get off the drugs or compensated for stepping away from the medical field entirely.

I want to help people who want the help. Sadly most medical personnel I've talked to think this is not about them after all, their Dr prescribed the opiates for their medical condition yet they have reported that they have made at least one, usually 5-8, medical errors in a 6 month span of time. That is one too many errors for me, how about you?

I believe medical personnel who steal drugs from work should be terminated and not allowed in the medical field again. It is like the child molester or rapist who has to register with the State they live in...the medical personnel will register and provide drug testing regularly. They will report where they work. If they have not voluntarily stepped away from the field, then they need not hold any type of position at a hospital, clinic, Medical office due to the great temptation and access to opiates.


I am sure this sounds very strict and invasive to some. People's lives are at stake. If your 5 year old is in the Hospital being treated for brain cancer, do you want a Doctor overseeing the care who has just taken Morphine for an old tennis injury to their shoulder? Do you think their critical thinking is spot on?

So REPORT WHAT YOU KNOW!  If you don't report and a death happens due to negligence - that blood is on your hands.

I guess that not all medical personnel act with a patient's best interest at heart. The bottom line for some is, how much money can they make...there for a paycheck. Greed does not pay off in the end.