Forgiveness Not Bitterness

FORGIVENESS NOT BITTERNESS

Alone I sit in a house thats dark
Wondering where my camera is at
Wanting to still this moment in a single frame
Thinking clearly and totally sane.

For the last six years nothing but gasping
Blessed assurance and to God I'm grasping
I am far from perfect, clear to see
I have hurt others and others hurt me.

Wedded bliss I would never see
Oh no, not for me.
Ten long years with Mr. R
Has left a deep, ugly, permanent scar.

Mr R has harnessed hatred, dominance and pain
Used it all to his glory and much wealth he did gain
Don't get me twisted for wrong I did too
An affair I had led to love very true!

Blessed with six children, Mr. R and I
And one more he claims as his; tis a LIE!
Stephanie slipped under the water one day
The year 1983, the thirtyfirst of May.

Her death was not a turning point for us
Our relationship began with passion, sex and lust
Many happy times Mr. R and I had
Abuse was too much, made me quite sad

On the oldest of mine Mr R always would pick
He put her down; that made me hurt and sick
His selfish desires always before the kids
Hurt kids left to cry while sports he did

 

I thought it was all over

those papers I certainly signed

He found a new lover

and I certainly didn't mind!

 

Control and manipulation are still his game

He does it to our adult children

Now isn't that a shame?

A relationship with my children,I sadly ask when?

 

Money seems to be the bottom line for him

No competing with the that

My wallet is thin

His is full and fat.

 

When does this abuse of emotions stop?

It feels worse than a fist bloodying the face.

The things he threatens our kids as adults

Thought as he grew older it would slow his pace.

 

He creeps from the shadows and there he lurks

To pop out at me and spin my world out of control

Very clever to show love and affection to me face to face

But behind my back, he tells my kids I am nothing but a disgrace.

 

I have found a way to conquer this man with whom I shared love.

I pray daily and show him grace from above.

I pray for his health, his strength and our kids.

I pray for his wife and strength in their marriage.

 

I pray that I, too, will show love

Give forgiveness that only can come from above.

I am peaceful at last with myself

I pray he finds God and finds peace himself.

 

Bitterness will eat you up from the inside out.

I do not want to get old and bitter like him

Forgiveness is easier there is no doubt

I have not forgotten but the memories are now dim